Team ‘Chewbarka’ Enters Homestretch with Confidence

Chewbarka enters the final weeks of voting with a shaggy lead.

It’s a good time for a Star Wars namesake. Representatives for Team Chewbarka reported recently a comfortable lead in the naming sweepstakes* to give the Coal Creek beaver a new moniker. “We’ve got it in the bag,” said one, who requested anonymity to speak candidly about the campaigns internal workings. “Everyone knows Chewbarka is subjectively a better name.”

The contest to name the beaver has been heated at times with so-called Chewbarka “stans” claiming superiority for the latitude of being named for a fictional character. “We’re not hemmed in by an actual person’s identity. Who even knows if Keanu Reeves likes beavers?”

“Who even knows if Keanu Reeves like beavers?”

Across the way, Team Keanu Beavs were strategizing their end game. With only two weeks left until the election, there was little time to waste on ad buys or guerilla marketing campaigns that weren’t likely to succeed.

“It’s just like in ‘Point Break’,’” said a campaign manager who was not authorized to speak on behalf of the campaign. “Johnny Utah (Reeves) and Bodhi (Patrick Swayze) are falling out of the ‘perfectly good airplane.’ We’ve got to make the right move, but we’ve got to time it perfectly.”

She added, “We’ll have to time it better than Utah did in the film, so we aren’t injured by the weight of our own courage.”

Down in the water by 120th street, a riffle moved against the current. It would be but two weeks until we had a new name for this creature. But even in anonymity, it has labored mightily to slow and deepen the creek, create habitat and lay the foundation for a flood and wildfire attenuation plan. Voting remains open until Nov. 5.

Even without a proper name, everyone is just glad the beaver is here..

Chewbarka or Keanu Beavs?

*Yes, this is a cheeky little fundraiser. We’ll tally up the name with the most “votes”/donations by Nov. 5 and officially name the beaver. $1 = 1 vote. Literally, a $25 donation will sway the whole thing. No beavers were harmed in making this contest.